During a bout of insomnia last night, this fell out of my brain:
Enthusiasm is underrated. People who don’t – or can’t, or refuse to – get excited about things frustrate me. How can you go through life feeling ho-hum and blasé about the world around you all the time?
I realized not too long ago that I am not my job. Yes, that sounds dumb when I read it, too. But my whole pitch about myself, in the 18 years I was a journalist, was that I knew when I was 11 what I wanted to be when I grew up. It’s a fact I was so proud of that I lead with it in any conversation relating to newspapers. I felt like because I “knew” this at such a young age, I’d somehow beaten the system and found a shortcut to career satisfaction at the ripe old age of 11.
Now I recognize what it is about my personality that led me to label myself as one thing and one thing only: I want to be done first. In school, I was always the first one to hand in a test, not because I was such a genius that I powered through the exam with ease, but because I wanted to “win” something that wasn’t the least bit winnable. So when I hit upon a career fit at 11 ("I like movies, I have an opinion, I'll be a film critic!"), I figured I’d beaten everyone else and could just plow ahead to the next chapter.
I never bothered to stop and think about who I was. I was only concerned with what I was. Or thought I was.
Fast forward a couple of decades, and didn’t like my job anymore. Crap. Now what? This was supposed to be my life.
Giving myself permission to step back and reassess my working self was a scary-yet-invigorating process.
Which brings me back to enthusiasm. I discovered, at my core, I’m an endlessly enthusiastic person. I am very much a glass-half-full, things-will-work-out thinker. I’m energized by smart people. I love words. Compassion and good news make me cry. I’m loyal, I’m driven, and I’m occasionally a little wound up.
In short, I’m a cheerleader.
Before I began to explore who I was, I was convinced it was impossible to describe yourself in any other way than by what you did for a living. Describing yourself as you relate to the people in your immediate family was probably a close second. But who you are? No, that didn’t make sense.
Each day now, I marvel at the comfort of knowing who I am, in the fullest sense of that phrase. I’m excited to see how I fit into the world around me – and how it fits with me. I even told someone the other day that I’m passionate about passion. Oy. Wow. See? Wound up. :)
Yes, I realize how dorky this can sound. But I also realize I don’t care. I’d prefer to surround myself with people who are dedicated to making the world a better place – in big and little ways – and I don’t have time for chronic complainers.
I’m lucky. I have a life I love with a partner I’ve waited my whole life for. I live in a community that excites me and impresses me every day. Even though I've lived in greater Lansing for my entire life, I continue to meet new people doing amazing, selfless things to help make our region better.
How could I not be enthusiastic? How can you not be? Join me, won’t you? /end rant :)
I'm with you, Robin! We are continuously bombarded by negativity which, given the state of our modern world, is easily explained. However, it's up to each of us to find the GOOD that surrounds us. To put it in movie terms and to quote a line from my favorite film, we've got to "get busy living or get busy dying." ("The Shawshank Redemption")
ReplyDeleteGood for you for finding your PASSION and embracing your inner cheerleader. I have one, too. And that's what makes me love MY job -- I get paid to celebrate our community and share as many great things about it as I can find (among other things, of course - but that's the best part). I will stand by your virtual side in creating a positive narrative about our community. And I will applaud you every step of the way.
Rant away...things ARE good...not to say we don't know/care/act about things that are tough (unemployment, crime, disease. etc) around us. I am a fan of "changing what I can" and always looking at the better side of it. It wastes time and energy worrying and it adds hope and compassion caring about it. Robin, you have been a bright spot in Lansing and we are better you are here.
ReplyDeleteStephanie: I love that you love what you do! And I love that I can count on you for enthusiastic support. Your passion comes through your every pore, and I just can't see how that's a bad thing :)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Steve! And, yes, I don't mean to say that I Pollyanna my way through life -- I'm all too aware of the challenges we face locally and beyond. The rant grew out of my frustration that too many people ONLY focus on the negatives and can't see the potential for great things. I'd prefer to make a difference where I can. And you're great inspiration for that. Thanks for your support :)
ReplyDelete*slow clap*
ReplyDeleteThis attitude, this energy, the commitment to positive change: THAT is why I moved back here. Thank you so much.
Thanks, Elitza :) I love that I get to connect with new, positive people like you every week.
ReplyDeleteGreat post Robin. Made me feel a little better this afternoon as I continue trying to figure out what you already have :)
ReplyDeleteThis is so great, Robin!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jesse -- hope you're on a good track!
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks to you too, Ms. Tycocki! :)
Oh, Robin, that's one of the things I love best about you -- you are so half-full (I am too, which really pisses people off sometimes). But it's worth it, isn't it -- changes your whole perspective.
ReplyDeleteMaybe it comes with seasoning, but I learned a long time ago that I am more than what I do. It's how I feel about the world and about me and where I am and those around me. And boy -- once you get that straight, your world opens so big and wide you can't take it all in no matter how hard you try!
I'm so happy you've decided to blog, my friend!